Always

The tender kiss on my forehead reassured me that everything was going to be okay, but my paranoid nerves weren’t so sure. The haze of rain outside seemed to resemble my slow and still senses of what was going on, what was truly happening to me, as blood, sweat, and tears, all came into one at this moment. The doors of the burned down building opened. And as the grip around my hand tightened,

My world psychologically went into slow motion. The first sight of the body appeared as I heard a whisper in my ear. “Whatever happens-“he paused, stuttered, and his breathing went heavy “I Love You”. The body was in full view now. A white blanket of pure sorrow placed over the corpse brought tears to my eyes as, one after another, they quickly trickled down my already wet cheeks. The slow smoke from my mouth quickened to a fast beating pace. As my world stopped, the grip around my hand was forcefully released. I reached out, grabbed the door handle and whimpered. Then I cried. Then I screamed.

I jumped out of the car and ran as fast as I could, nothing but Air, nothing but me. Past the bystanders, past the police telling me to halt, nothing, and no one of authority mattered at this moment. My life was over. Over before it even began and had a chance to end. But I wasn’t running fast enough. My legs were enduring forceful pain as I slipped and tripped over the dewy asphalt. But it didn’t matter, nothing mattered anymore. Everything was gone. My support, my past, my best friend, all GONE! I Ran into the gurney, my face landing on the stomach of the corpse…The lifeless corpse. The screaming of authority coming closer faded away as my hands trembled violently, revealing the face of the body…his body. The mask of hope was pushed back, crumbling to the ground, mocking me with memories of false reliance. And as the dam inside me broke, my voice, blood, tears, and mind all went irrationally psychotic. I was no longer in control of my own actions; I was no longer in control of this body trembling in my skin, This body screaming and wailing out, gasping for reassurance that this was a lie. The truth was I was no longer me.
I was no longer Natalie.

My voice started out Hushed and still, nothing but breathless whimpers and occasional silent prayers. Then my mouth opened up, revealing curses and anger, vocally loud and trembling. Suddenly, the pain inside me escaped no longer captive inside its cage deep in my heart. I screamed out “DADDY!” Instantly, as if the word triggered the speed of light, everything accelerated. The police and fireman grabbed my arms, yanking me back, swearing that if I didn’t leave now I would die, my boyfriend right behind them. Die? How can you die when you’re already dead inside, what is life without the breath of happiness and hope each day? Currently, Death was a sanctuary to me. They yelled at me a forest of phrases “You have to go” “you can’t be here” and even “it’s dangerous” But I didn’t listen. My father always told me my stubbornness would get in the way of my future some day.

“Ma’am please you-“I interrupted the officer abruptly. I didn’t know if it was the fact I didn’t care what he had to say, or if it was just my soul escaping my lips, but either way I began screaming. “NO, NO, NO! THIS CAN’T BE! YOU CAN’T GO LIKE THIS! YOU PROMISED TOGETHER FOREVER! FOREVER! YOU LIAR! YOU LIAR! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!” I began carelessly sobbing as my legs became numb and limp.