Day 1: you’re doing it wrong! 3 simple steps to anger management
My 11-year-old daughter gets furious with her older brother at least 67 times a day.
It’s always the same: “Well he did ______ , so that’s why I’m ________.”
I guarantee you’ve had the same conversation with yourself at least once this week. Life sets you on the wrong side of injustice (probably more than you’d like), but you should never allow another person’s issue or mood to affect your own.
Change Your Focus:
Time spent wondering what you did to deserve their negative reaction is time spent neglecting yourself. See life as a play, and all the people, good and bad, who step on the stage of YOUR life are actors in YOUR story.
A few years back, I divorced my college sweetheart after an 18-year-relationship. We did our best, but it was much harder than either of us imagined. I slowly shifted my thinking until I began to see him as an actor in my play. Whenever feelings of irritation, anger or sadness would surface, I’d focus on what he could be teaching me.
With a change in focus, I was no longer concerned about what he could do differently, or the ways in which he could improve.
When you focus on the reaction instead of the trigger, you are more in touch with the emotions welling inside you. Don’t be a puppet, have the confidence to start singing, dancing, and enjoying a life that’s fueled by your own engine. Empower yourself with the understanding that your gas should never be the approval, love or acceptance of other people.
You are your own sun. Always.
Try this simple 3-step process I call Face, Embrace, and Erase to transform uncomfortable feelings into peace, love and clarity…for YOU.
Face your feelings. Don’t focus on who made you feel the way you’re feeling, but be aware of your emotions (especially if you expect to redirect them).
If your boat was flooding with water, you’d care about plugging the leak, not who made the hole. Own your feelings. No matter who may have helped you into a negative state, the only one who can change it is you.
Embrace your feelings by internally thanking the other person or situation for triggering your emotions.
At their core, most people have a fear of not being good enough, or that they aren’t truly loved. But in gratitude there can be no fear. See the other person as your child, or as your child self. Experience what they are feeling.
Instead of focusing on what they did to trigger you, understand how bad they must feel inside to be acting out. It’s really not about you, it’s about them and their internal pain.
Once you thank them for helping you surface deep-rooted feelings, you can diffuse their power by accepting them as a part of you.
Once you’ve faced and embraced your feelings (and thanked the person who brought them to you), you can lay the rest down. There’s really nothing else to do.
Reaction will only bring more negative energy to the situation. Turning a blind eye is telling yourself you aren’t worthy of more. But facing and embracing can eliminate the worst without any effort from you.
Keeping the focus on you means loving yourself. No one is perfect, and most people do their best with what they have. Love yourself for every thing you do right and every thing you do wrong…because that’s what makes you, YOU.