Mars and venus on a date
MARS AND VENUS ON A DATE
A Guide for Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating
to Create a Loving and Lasting Relationship
JOHN GRAY, PH.D.
This book is dedicated with deepest love and affection to my soul mate and
wife, Bonnie Gray. Her radiant love continues to bring out the best in me.
1 Mars and Venus on a Date 1
2 Finding the Right Person for You 9
3 Stage One: Attraction 34
4 Stage Two: Uncertainty 46
5 Stage Three: Exclusivity 65
6 Stage Four: Intimacy 90
7 Stage Five: Engagement 109
8 Making It Through the Five Stages 130
9 When the Clock Keeps Ticking and He’s Not Wearing
10 Men Are Like Blowtorches, Women Are Like Ovens 155
11 The Dynamics of Male and Female Desire 177
12 Men Pursue and Women Flirt 195
13 Acknowledge Men and Adore Women 202
14 Men Advertise and Women Share 214
15 Why Men Don’t Call 234
16 To Call or Not to Call 253
17 Men Love a Woman with a Smile 269
18 Women Love a Man with a Plan 292
19 Why Some Women Remain Single 305
20 Where to Find Your Soul Mate 320
21 101 Places to Meet Your Soul Mate 339
22 And They Lived Happily Ever After 355
About the Author
Other Books by John Gray, Ph.D.
About the Publisher
I thank my wife, Bonnie, for once again sharing the journey
of developing a new book. Parts of this book are directly inspired
by the beginning of our relationship when we moved
through the five stages of dating.
I thank our three daughters, Shannon, Juliet, and Lauren,
for their continued love and for their insight and brilliant
feedback regarding many of the ideas in this book. A special
thanks to Shannon for managing my office while I wrote this
I thank the following family members and friends for their
suggestions and valuable feedback to the ideas in this book:
my mother, Virginia Gray; my brothers David, William, Robert,
and Tom Gray; my sister, Virginia Gray; Robert and Karen
Josephson; Susan and Michael Najarian; Renee Swisko; Ian
and Elley Coren; Trudy Green; Martin and Josie Brown; Stan
Sinberg; JoAnne LaMarca; Bart and Merril Berens; Reggie and
Andrea Henkart; Rami El Batrawi; Sandra Weinstein; Bill Sy;
Robert Beaudry; Jim and Anna Kennedy; Alan and Barbara
Garber; and Clifford McGuire.
I thank my agent, Patti Breitman, who has always been there
at every step of this book, and I thank my international agent,
Linda Michaels, for getting my books published around the
world in over forty languages.
I thank my editor, Diane Reverand, for her expert feedback,
direction, and advice. I also thank Laura Leonard, Meaghan
Dowling, David Flora, and the other incredible staff members
at HarperCollins for their responsiveness to my needs. I could
not ask for a better publisher.
I thank the thousands of individuals and couples who have
taken the time to share with me their insights and stories about
being single and getting married.
I thank Bonnie Solow, Robert Geller, and Daryn Roven for
their assistance in producing the audio version of the book as
well as Anne Gaudinier and the other staff members of
vi / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.
In past generations, the challenge of dating was different.
Men and woman wanted a partner who could fulfill their basic
needs for security and survival. Women looked for a strong
man who would be a good provider; men searched for a nurturing
woman to make a home. This courting dynamic, which
has been in place for thousands of years, has suddenly changed.